Faucett update ;)

So I've been neglecting my blog, I have been a bit busy. ;) The boys are almost 5 months old, 3 1/2 months adjusted. They are both growing and healthy! Matthew did fine after his hospital visit. They have been off their monitors for at least a month. They've had their first Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They did well, of course had no idea what was going on. :) At their 4 month check up the dr noticed that Matthew's head had grown more than Owen's so she ordered an ultrasound to find out why. The ultrasound did show some fluid so we went to a neurologist and he had a CT scan. The neurologist said it was benign and his body will catch up. We have SoonerStart come out every so often to check their development and the lady that works with them suggested I ask more questions so I will do that especially since Owen is more social and interactive so we just want to make sure the fluid isn't the reason he's doing different things. Granted they are different babies and will always do things differently but we just want to make sure he is developing normally for him. They are both starting to grasp things and talk. Owen will giggle and once and awhile Matthew will chuckle. They love floor time. Since they are more active they have been keeping me busy, leaving less time for other things. I still try to fit in time with Madison as much as possible. Last weekend my parents took the boys so Jason and I took Madison to the mall, mainly just spent the day with her, just her. She loved it! She has certainly had her moments lately wanting more attention. She loves helping and loves her brothers but needs her time too and we do what we can.
It's such an amazing thing having 3 kids, it still breaks my heart that Hailey isn't here and I constantly wonder what she would be like. It's funny too because if you would have asked (and some did) a couple of years ago how many kids I wanted and if I'd want 4 since I was one of 4; I would have said I wanted 2 maybe 3 kids but now if I could have Hailey in this mix I would! I would totally be happy with a 4 1/2 year old, a 1 1/2 year old and two almost 5 month olds! The irony is I probably wouldn't grasp how great it would be without Hailey's loss. This is our journey and we will continue on it and follow where God guides us. There is a plan we just need to trust and follow Him.
I'll try and update more sometime soon; I do have a birthday coming up! ;)
Until next time!

Mr Matthew

So, speaking of things not going as planned. Saturday, October 13, I had been doing their feedings and had laid down to sleep after feeding them at 7:45. Jason was at the store and Madison was at her grandparents house. I woke up at about 10am to Matthew's monitor going off so I jostled him and it seemed like he was ok but it went off again so I picked him up and he was limp. So I tried to stimulate him and it didn't seem to help. So even though I didn't want it to be the case, I put him on the floor and unwrapped him and moved his clothes and began compressions. He twitched a couple of times but it took almost a minute to get him to cough and mutter a little cry so I grabbed a wipe and used it on his skin to make him react. He began crying, I was so relieved! I checked and he seemed to be ok. I wrapped him back up and sat in the rocker just holding him. I posted in one of my angel mom groups about what happened and one of my friends who was a pediatric nurse called me and told me to take him to the hospital. I don't know why it didn't register to me that I needed to do that, maybe because I was just dealing with and grasping what just happened. So I called Jason and told him what was going on etc. Then I called my mom to tell her what was going on and made a plan. They came over to watch Owen and my dad took Matthew and me to the hospital and Jason met us there. We took him to the er and after tests and drs and nurses looking him over and checking things out, Matthew was admitted for overnight observation. When he was admitted his saturation level was at 80 something. So they gave him oxygen and that helped. They slowly reduced the amount of oxygen to make sure he could maintain his levels on his own. They decided to keep him another night to make sure he could go at least a day on his own. So far he's done that so hopefully in the morning we will go home. Of course I'm super nervous about how he will do at home but at least we have the home monitors but it's still nerve wracking.
It sure has been nice also having Facebook so we have been able to post the word and have tons of prayer warriors! So for those who aren't on Facebook and aren't already praying, please pray that things continue to progress well.
Until next time.

Baby Boys!

Well, of course things continue to never go as you plan. :) So, following my previous post....for those who don't know...they decided that after they decided to deliver that morning, they also decided to monitor the babies until delivery. Of course if there were any episodes in baby a's heart beat we would consider delivering sooner. We were lucky in the nurse we had that night, because she made sure and watched the monitor because baby a's heart dipped twice. The first time, the nurse noted it and called the dr to let her know and see what to do. It was decided that if it happened again, we would deliver. I think about an hour or so later it did; and the nurse said she couldn't keep watching and was calling the dr to deliver. So....at 2:50 and 2:51 am Matthew Benjamin and Owen Howard were born! Hearing them cry was beyond amazing!! Madison was there with my mom and when the nurses took the boys to the NICU, they stopped and showed them to the grandparents and big sister. They asked Madison what their names were and she picked by who was A and who was B; which was funny because that wasn't the purpose of waiting until they were born. ha! Of course, as much as I tried, I ended up associating who they were in the womb so our picks were different and they had the names backwards for the first few hours until I could come down and see them. :)
So, they did have oxygen and later discovered they had reflux, but through their stay in the NICU, they did really well. They did have moments where their heart rate would dip, which they attributed to reflux. They came home a day or two before they were 3 weeks old! They came home on monitors, but at least they came home! Matthew came home first because Owen had a hard time with his feeding before being able to come home. Which seemed to be only because he had his Hepatitis shot and circ hours before and that tends to slow down their feedings. So he came home pretty much first thing the next day.
They are 5 weeks old and doing amazing!! They were just under 4 lbs when they were born and are already well past 5 and a half lbs now! Not sure how long they will be on monitors, but they seem to do okay with the episodes. They have medicine for their reflux which was determined was the reason for the heart rate dipping. We are adjusting to their schedule but it isn't too bad, they seem to stay in the same schedule which helps. Anyway, that mostly sums up everything for now, we are only beginning our adventure.
Until next time!

Twins

So, an update on our boys. Last I updated on them, I was put on bed rest. I went to my appointments and they monitored things and all was/is well. A few weeks ago we went to the high risk appointment and she didn't like how the blood flow of baby a's cord looked and said to come back in 2 weeks. When I came back I was 32 weeks and they were no longer checking my cervix. Well the follow up appointment was last Thursday the 30th of August. Well we were in for a treat, the flow hadn't changed much and she had me do a non stress test where they monitor the babies and contractions. Well on top of the blood flow I was having contractions and didn't feel them and with my history they sent me for an overnight stay at the hospital. Well over the course of the day my high risk dr and ob decided to keep me here until the babies are born. Hospital bed rest is very boring but I know it is worth it! The high risk dr also said she wanted to move delivery up from 36 weeks to 34 weeks. She was also doing a scan in the week following being admitted. Well, that scan was today! We thought it would be tomorrow but she decided to come today! So she did an ultrasound and looked at the blood flow and fluids, she didn't like how it looked. The fluid for both was down and the cord blood was more persistently absent. She said we could go a week but we would have to monitor everyday and scan everyday and with my history it's taking a bit of a chance. Since it was dinner time when she came by she said we could wait for tomorrow. The drs and hospital coordinated and at 7:30 am the drs are delivering our twin boys!!! I/they will be right at 33 weeks tomorrow so that is pretty good and I had a steroid shot when I was admitted to help their lungs. I am so nervous/anxious/excited! I am glad they will be here so we know they are ok but anxious for all the normal reasons going into a c-section.
That's pretty much my update for now and I will post again when I can after and about their arrival!!
Until next time.

One Year

So it's officially been one year, since we lost our sweet girl. It has been quite the journey, we have been through a lot and learned a lot. It has definitely made it interesting being pregnant again. Sooo many emotions over the past year. I have even had some bitterness on some things. It can be a hard journey, but I have turned to those around me and put A LOT in my faith and the Lord! I certainly could have NEVER done this on my own and can NEVER express how much I appreciate the people that have surrounded us!
I didn't know for quite some time what I wanted to do for her first birthday. I thought about going to the cemetery, thought about releasing butterflies, and of course the traditional balloon release or just a casual get together. As it got closer and being on bed rest I was limited and a few things were automatically off the list. I also missed doing the butterflies because I couldn't figure out how to get them to release them and if I tried the kind you hatch I didn't plan it on time. So since the main thing I wanted was to be surrounded by those that have been there and supported us, we finally decided to invite those people and do a balloon release because it was the easiest to plan etc. We did that tonight and it turned out very nicely! I am very pleased with how it went.
Of course I was soo nervous about the day approaching and what it would be like. As usual it was like most things, the anticipation is worse than the day. I didn't feel like doing much during the day, so we didn't. We enjoyed family time and just thought about her and talked about her. Madison had her moments of testing us but we got through it. :)
It is interesting, people keep telling me how strong I am and so on, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything special. I guess the funny thing is everyone says I'm the string one, but actually I wouldn't be if it weren't for them (you) as I mentioned. :)
Also Jason had said at the balloon release that I was the glue, but in an odd way, I think Madison was/is because she helped me. I was focused on caring for her and had her to love on and that helped me a lot as well. It's just amazing the things you learn by going through something like this! You learn a lot about yourself and the ones who are your true friends and I am sure they also learn a lot as well!
We have six weeks left until the boys are born and we are very excited. It will be a fun journey and I look forward to what we will learn in the next year. I will also have to plan well for the next celebration having two little ones at Hailey's next birthday. Thank you for reading and thinking of us!
Until next time!

releasing the balloons

Madison releasing the first balloon

balloons.....

30 Weeks pregnant with the boys! :)

June

So at least this time it's only a month. Well the first part of June was mostly uneventful, just making sure I still feel movement, keeping Madison busy, etc. I've had another appointment with both doctors, at every high risk appointment they check my cervix, sorry tmi. Well last time I went they said it was short. I didn't know what that meant. So the doctor came in and explained it. Basically telling me I need to be on bedrest. I can still go to the bathroom and make a sandwich and take a shower but that's it and I need to be down reclining or laying as much as possible. Granted I figured I would have to do bedrest, I just thought I had awhile. Needless to say I've been trying to find ways to stay busy and had lots of help to make sure Madison is set. I go back after the holiday to see how things are looking. I'm just hoping I won't have to do hospital bedrest. The first week of bedrest was very emotional, though. Madison and I were scheduled for Bible school and I had to step out but she was still able to go with my dad and nieces. I love that she got to, had fun, and learned a lot; but being home alone wore on me. The Thursday night of school they had family night and did a program, her first. My mom sent pictures and I just broke down. I didn't really know why but I think it was just emotional and hormones. I was ok, just also realized I should probably have her here when I can, to help and to 'entertain'. :) She's been really good about it so far, she even gets onto me sometimes that I don't need to be up. :) I've been looking through the internet for groups and things to keep me busy, so I can't get to caught up in the emotions of bedrest. My mom got me some cross stitch to work on and that's helped. It keeps me busy, plus she got bibs so that I can use them for the boys too. I plan on working on some knitting or crochet if I can. I still need to learn crochet and work on learning more knitting, but something I could do. :) I've found lots of duct tape bags I could work on also, so maybe I'll do that too. I'd love to work on my sewing, but I can't sit up that long. Anyway, it's funny because even though I have time to blog, I don't have a lot to blog about, very uneventful around here. :) Just working on making lists of things we need to do so people that want to help have an idea of what they can do. It's very frustrating for me because I'm the type of person, that if I want something done, I'd rather just do it myself; but obviously I can't right now. It's hard to do that, but it's more important to make sure these boys stay in as long as possible. Which I also am trying to stay busy so that I'm not worrying about them, etc.
Oh, and I also wanted to mention, the same day I went to the high risk doctor and thus found out I'd have to be on bedrest, I received my Hailey bear!! There is an amazing group called Molly Bears, they makes bears for parents that lost a baby and the bears weigh the same as the baby! It was started by a mother who lost her baby and a friend brought her a weighted bear and she knew she had to start making them. The waiting list is about a year, but so worth it! It's a great cause. It felt so amazing to hold something the same weight as her!! I forgot 4lbs felt like that.
Also, on the subject of Hailey, her birthday is coming up in about a month, and I'm a little sad that I won't be able to at least go to the cemetery, but I may still try to somehow celebrate with a small group of friends and family, Jason and I are still trying to decide what we want to do. It's certainly a bittersweet moment. On one hand we want to celebrate that we have a sweet angel in Heaven but it's also hard to remember that she's not with us. We've certainly come a long way in a year, though. It's all a process and a journey and we are getting there. I'm sure in 20 years we will still feel this sadness.
Well, that's my post for this time. I'll try to update again soon, especially after the doctor this week; if anything changes or significant comes from it. Prayers for us through the bedrest and most importantly that these boys are able to grow in the womb as long as possible! :)
Until next time!

Mostly May :)

Well, I try to keep up, but life gets a little crazy sometimes. :)
So, I had my first Mother's Day since losing Hailey. I was pretty okay with it and didn't get very emotional about it. That is until church that Sunday morning. I had forgotten that they usually do the baby dedication on Mother's Day or Father's Day. Jason and I had sat down and were getting acquainted waiting for things to start and I noticed a few people sitting up front, that usually aren't there but didn't think about it. Then I saw the pink and blue gift bags on the stage and started putting things together. I checked the program to make sure, sure enough, there it was. I pointed it out to Jason and lost it. Luckily my grandma was on the other side of Jason and had some tissue. I had a cry and then pulled myself together, but once they did the actual dedication, I lost it again and I'm pretty sure my mom was in tears as well. It just made it hard because Hailey was supposed to be up there. Jason asked if I wanted to step out, but I didn't want to draw attention, so I just endured it. I know most of the emotion was hormones, but I'm sure I would have still been emotional. Jason also kept reassuring me that next year we'll be up there with two. :) I love that guy. :) Days like that it's still hard, yes we have two boys on the way, but I have two girls too. Most days I know she's waiting for us in Heaven and we will see her again, and I do have two blessings growing in my belly; but grief is grief and it's still hard. I can't believe her one year 'birthday' is coming up and I have ideas of what I want to do, but I'm trying to picture how it's going to go. For one, I will be huge, two I will be extremely emotional; but we'll see how it plays out. :) I just can't decide how big or small I want it to be and what exactly I want to do. Through, everything, though, the birthday coming up and the anxiety of being pregnant again, I am beyond grateful for the amazing other moms I have met online and through Facebook! It is so nice having people that get it like no one else. I am also fortunate to have those that don't personally understand what I'm dealing with but are still amazing and supportive!
Well, I officially have a 4 year old now!! Madison turned 4 about a month ago! We decided to give her a surprise party because she LOVES surprises and it went very well!! She didn't know what was going on and her response was that 'you didn't scare me'! LOL, she is so funny! She is getting so big and so grown up! She is a big helper most of the time, but she has certainly had her moments of testing her limits. We've been trying different things, but most of all trying to be consistent and loving instead of screaming and yelling. I learned early on that it doesn't accomplish anything. Plus, I think deep down I knew that to begin with, considering I was just like her as a child. :)

The babies are growing very well and I had my first appointment with my high risk doctor a couple of weeks ago. I was 18 weeks; and am 20 weeks today, so literally 2 weeks. :) Well, being at 18 weeks they can tell the sexes of the babies.......we had lots of speculations, Madison and I wanted one of each and Jason was set that it was 2 girls; I was certainly okay with 2 boys, I think one of each would be great because I was so set on another girl and prepared for a girl for nine months before losing Hailey, so that's where that came in. Well, I ended up going by myself because Jason couldn't get off and I didn't want anyone else to know before him. So luckily I at least got to call him after I was done with my appointment. I was a little surprised when I saw what the babies were; but was happier to see that there were still 2 heartbeats. :) Well, I was texting with him first and confirmed they were both the same gender. I then told him he and Madison were both wrong. I don't know that he caught on, I think he was thinking of a conversation we had had the night before about all the possibilities and I was thinking of his original thoughts. Either way I was able to talk to him and told him, yes we are having two boys!!! BOYS!!! He could not believe it and was still in shock for the rest of the day!! We waited until that evening to tell our parents. We were going to do it the next night, but we couldn't wait so we visited with each set and both were equally shocked. Obviously it will be the first grandsons for Jason's parents, but my mom was pretty excited since she has 4 granddaughters. :) We allll were hoping Madison was a boy; but very excited to see her none the less, and Hailey we kind of figured would be a girl. In fact with the twins, when I walked into my parents and they realized Madison had a shirt on because she waited outside until my parents were ready to show it off, and my mom said, 'let's see those girls'.

This is the shirt she showed the grandparents. I ironed on everything except the gender the night before and added the boys after my appointment.

The more I think on it, I still can't believe we are having boys!!  I have very little experience with them, only what I encountered at the Mother's Day Out I was working at. Let alone two at the same time! It's funny because even though I've wanted boys all along, I've really gotten used to girls. Especially with 3 nieces! Hand me downs have been nice, now I have to outsource. :) Although, at this point, I will gladly take it! We are all excited and just anxious for them to be here healthy and happy. I honestly still can't believe we're having two!! We are obviously looking into a bigger place because 2 bedrooms is not going to be enough! I could have handled it with just one baby for awhile, but 2 babies and Madison, are not going to cut it. :) Well, being that that is the case, it makes it hard for me to 'nest' or do anything to get stuff ready, because I have nowhere to 'get ready'. Of course we also still have 2 beds to get; one for Madison and one for the babies. We still have Madison's crib which she is using the toddler bed of now. We have 2 bassinets so we should be fine for a little while, but I like to have it ready when we can. I also know they might sleep together for most of their first months anyway, but I just want to have everything covered. My brother said he still has one stored at his house, so we may be in luck there. Of course both 'cribs' are 3 in 1s so I don't know how I will do that because with two boys I may just do the bunk bed thing down the road. Maybe when they are big enough we'll just do bunk beds and convert Madison's current bed into the full for her and let my brother have his back to sell or whatever. We'll figure it out. I did arrange the car seats in the car the other day to make sure 3 would work comfortably in our sedan and they do; I still want to check with the fire station or something to double check it's all safe, etc. I have also looked into doing cloth diapers this time. I looked a little with Hailey and didn't get far enough to realize they aren't that hard to deal with. It seems a little crazy to do cloth with 2 babies, but I want to try, because as many have pointed out in the long run it will save money. I may also look to make a few myself to cut cost even more. Right now, I'm all about saving money. :) Ironically it does cost a bit to get started, but like most things, that's it. Buy enough to get by with, and wash after they are dirty and I won't need to buy more and more. Even better most are made to grow with the baby so I won't need to buy any even when they are potty training! Granted I'm still in the we'll try and see, so it may get to a point when I give in and go back to disposable, but I think if I find the right ones and get everyone to see what I see, it will be great. I'm sure in the first month or 2 we may have to compromise being that they may be preemie size or really small newborns and may not fit the typical cloth, but I think they have even figured out how to accommodate that, I just need to make sure I do. :)
Anyway, I didn't double check, but Jason is at a new job and he loves it!! That is mainly why he couldn't make it to the high risk doctor appointment because he is still in training. He has a lot to learn but he is up for the challenge! He sees room for improvement and there is growth there and that's exciting. There just didn't feel like there was where he was before. Most of all, it's good that he's happy!
Being that Madison just had a birthday she is also old enough for preschool next year, but I have decided to keep her home. Mostly because I have a few friends who are doing kindergarten with their kids and have let me know it's pretty easy and great for them. I like it because I won't have to worry about loading up Madison and the twins twice a day or worry if someone is available to pick her up or take her everyday either. Granted she will be in other programs and active at church, etc because this girl is a socialite and needs the interaction! :) I don't know if I will continue home school beyond preschool because she is a socialite and it would be nice to have time with the boys; but we will see.
Alright, I will really try to update more so these aren't so long. :)
Enjoy! Until next time!