June

So at least this time it's only a month. Well the first part of June was mostly uneventful, just making sure I still feel movement, keeping Madison busy, etc. I've had another appointment with both doctors, at every high risk appointment they check my cervix, sorry tmi. Well last time I went they said it was short. I didn't know what that meant. So the doctor came in and explained it. Basically telling me I need to be on bedrest. I can still go to the bathroom and make a sandwich and take a shower but that's it and I need to be down reclining or laying as much as possible. Granted I figured I would have to do bedrest, I just thought I had awhile. Needless to say I've been trying to find ways to stay busy and had lots of help to make sure Madison is set. I go back after the holiday to see how things are looking. I'm just hoping I won't have to do hospital bedrest. The first week of bedrest was very emotional, though. Madison and I were scheduled for Bible school and I had to step out but she was still able to go with my dad and nieces. I love that she got to, had fun, and learned a lot; but being home alone wore on me. The Thursday night of school they had family night and did a program, her first. My mom sent pictures and I just broke down. I didn't really know why but I think it was just emotional and hormones. I was ok, just also realized I should probably have her here when I can, to help and to 'entertain'. :) She's been really good about it so far, she even gets onto me sometimes that I don't need to be up. :) I've been looking through the internet for groups and things to keep me busy, so I can't get to caught up in the emotions of bedrest. My mom got me some cross stitch to work on and that's helped. It keeps me busy, plus she got bibs so that I can use them for the boys too. I plan on working on some knitting or crochet if I can. I still need to learn crochet and work on learning more knitting, but something I could do. :) I've found lots of duct tape bags I could work on also, so maybe I'll do that too. I'd love to work on my sewing, but I can't sit up that long. Anyway, it's funny because even though I have time to blog, I don't have a lot to blog about, very uneventful around here. :) Just working on making lists of things we need to do so people that want to help have an idea of what they can do. It's very frustrating for me because I'm the type of person, that if I want something done, I'd rather just do it myself; but obviously I can't right now. It's hard to do that, but it's more important to make sure these boys stay in as long as possible. Which I also am trying to stay busy so that I'm not worrying about them, etc.
Oh, and I also wanted to mention, the same day I went to the high risk doctor and thus found out I'd have to be on bedrest, I received my Hailey bear!! There is an amazing group called Molly Bears, they makes bears for parents that lost a baby and the bears weigh the same as the baby! It was started by a mother who lost her baby and a friend brought her a weighted bear and she knew she had to start making them. The waiting list is about a year, but so worth it! It's a great cause. It felt so amazing to hold something the same weight as her!! I forgot 4lbs felt like that.
Also, on the subject of Hailey, her birthday is coming up in about a month, and I'm a little sad that I won't be able to at least go to the cemetery, but I may still try to somehow celebrate with a small group of friends and family, Jason and I are still trying to decide what we want to do. It's certainly a bittersweet moment. On one hand we want to celebrate that we have a sweet angel in Heaven but it's also hard to remember that she's not with us. We've certainly come a long way in a year, though. It's all a process and a journey and we are getting there. I'm sure in 20 years we will still feel this sadness.
Well, that's my post for this time. I'll try to update again soon, especially after the doctor this week; if anything changes or significant comes from it. Prayers for us through the bedrest and most importantly that these boys are able to grow in the womb as long as possible! :)
Until next time!