Processing

Well, I just wanted to update a little. Not much has changed as far as my day to day. I have my bad moments as expected but I do still have a peace that feels like it's there all the time; even in my hard times. I still hurt and always miss my little girl! I've just decided it mainly stinks because she's there and I'm not and I'm here and she's not. I am enjoying every precious moment I have here on earth and with my family and friends; although I cannot wait to see Hailey again, and all those there with her.
Last week I went to the doctor for my 6 week check up and everything looks good and she said when I am emotionally ready to work, I was physically ready. I actually think I could have gone to work the week before that! It was getting hard to be home alone so much especially when I was supposed to be taking care of Hailey. I think I was also just getting stir crazy. I did have a few questions for her; but I will a whole lot more when we get pregnant next time. :) It will be a wild ride, but I'm up for the challenge. :)
Also, for some reason I have been completely obsessed with looking for jewelry; mostly rings and all birthstone colors! I found a really neat ring on Etsy that is Hailey's birthstone. It was a really good price and I was a little hesitant to pay too much for handmade; but none the less I did find some that I liked at Zales. I had originally planned (even when I was pregnant with Hailey) to buy a mother ring; but seeing that I'd want at least 3 stones I'd have to wait for the next one to even think about it. Instead I've gotten fascinated with the stackable rings; so that's what I've been looking at on Zales. Everywhere has some decent ones; I did even find some on Amazon that weren't too bad, I just wanted to be able to pick it out and see it instead of wait for it; which made it so tricky with my Etsy order, but it turned out very well! :)

I figured more for the emotional, but I had planned all along to go back to work today. So I went back to work today! It was pretty crazy, we had a few changes and the only thing that really got me about going back to work was when I was getting things ready the night before, because I wasn't getting things ready for 3 of us. Getting there and going in felt pretty normal since I'd done it so many times just the two of us and with me being in a different class than when I left kept me a little distracted so that helped. Plus I had to learn about each child in my new class so that kept me busy too. :) Ultimately as I felt before I still feel the same; I missed it! I love playing with the kids! I love seeing what fascinates them, at all ages! :)
We also had a play date with our friends who have had a loss as well. They have a daughter Madison's age. They played so well, they get along so great! I know that since they have both lost sisters that maybe it will help them bond even more and maybe someday will help them through a tough situation. It was also nice to talk with her mom, my friend. I guess I'm just a talker in general, so through this process it has helped to talk as much as I can; and it helps that much more when you talk to someone who has been through what you've been through. That is always true for any situation. I have found a few people on the support website and one from the mark. forums which helps talking online, etc. For some reason it seems a little different and reassuring having somone in person you can have around. It definitely has me excited to try the support groups. I haven't decided if I would go without Jason, so I'm going to try to get him to go as well. I think it would be great for us as a couple and in general. I did get a pamplet from my doctor for counselors, I haven't called any yet; I want to make sure we can afford it. :)

Madison playing hopscotch with Hailey :)

I have also been going back to church pretty regular and it helps a lot; it just shows me and reaffirms that He is watching over us, He is giving me peace. I love it for that and to see that everyone there does love us and cares about us and continues to support us.
Also, wanted to mention it should be fun this weekend, Jason and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage! It's amazing! I can't believe it's been five years; in a good way, of course! Which means we'll have been together 9 years! Not to mention being friends years before that! We've been through a lot and still in it for whatever may continue to come our way. We have definitely grown a lot in many ways. ;) I still love him as much as the day we got together! :)

Until next time. :)