Baby, Sweet Baby

So, here I am after 2 am yet again still awake. I was working on cutting out some things for a baby to be born in June ;) and was thinking about how worn down I am and exhausted, etc. For the past two weeks, at least, some how Madison and I have been going to bed really late and sleeping in really late and this weekend it seemed to really show the reprecautions! Madison was cranky most of the day but took a nap like sleeping was her favorite thing; but come bed time; a time we, like most parents, use as our break became the worst part of our days! We spent several hours fighting to get her to sleep! She would even get upset over little things just because she was so tired! It was definitely frustrating b/c we knew she was tired but we couldn't do anything to help her! Not to mention what it does when both parents are worn out and exhausted from her, it just felt like we were all fighting each other. Although, I will say it was nice because in all that Jason and I knew that we were both worn out and tired, so even in the moment we may have yelled at each other or whatever but directly following understood that it wasn't personal. All day, I've been beating myself up because I hadn't addressed our little sleep problem sooner and frankly probably didn't realize the extent of our sleep schedule. Being a natural night owl, I kind of enjoyed it because I got to stay up late and sleep in; I am NOT a morning person! Although, I was actually really missing having Madison in bed by 9:30 at the latest regardless of when she would wake up in the morning. Since she was born we never really had a problem getting her to go to sleep, at least at first; as she got closer to a year or so, we did go on a few drives and/or rock her longer than usual. This past weekend I was really wishing those would work! The drive finally did, of course a drive at 1:30 in the morning to get your almost 2 year old to sleep is crazy! Of course once she gets to sleep Jason and I are telling each other she's getting up at 9am! Ideally that sounds great, not when we were up that late too and when you are worn down like we were, 9am comes fast! Back to my point, sorry, I'd been beating myself up for not addressing this situation because ultimately it had cost us some desperately needed time with friends!!! We had cancelled two play dates with one friend and I had ended up cancelling my day out today because we woke up so late and I was still half asleep even then to decide what I wanted to do. Of course the weather this weekend didn't help being so gloomy all we wanted to do was sleep and our child wanted to literally bounce off the walls or the furniture or anything she could get on! :) It really amazed me that she wasn't more tired because she's had a bit of a cold the past few days and I'm not sure what caused it but Saturday morning(ish) after having her breakfast and juice she threw up! That of course led to us missing a birthday party for one of her/our friends!! I was hesitant to go to the party because of her cough, but not knowing what had caused her to throw up and if it was going to continue I wasn't going to take a chance! All that to ultimately say that today I have really felt the toll of all of this emotionally! I just feel like I have or am drifting from my friends and somewhat Madison's friends too. When we've gone out to the store or something she just wants to run around and play and I'm just watching her thinking, she needs a playdate! It kills me, though, because I'm hesitant to schedule something we may end up backing out of because we aren't on a normal sleep schedule. Despite the fact that it's so late tonight, I am determined to be up at a decent time tomorrow and get something accomplished before lunch and get us back on a normal schedule! I know she needs it as much as I do; I'd like to think one of us needs it more than the other, but I don't think that is true at this point! I miss the playdates and time with friends, it's really worn on me and I feel like I've failed everyone, on some level I know that may not be true, but I'm so worn down it just could be. I am determined and hope to get things back on track b/c Madison and I need to feel and be normal again!! Take care and stay tuned! :)